Decent start to April?

The reason for the question mark is i managed to go deep in the 2.25mill on ftp last sunday, a top 50 finish out of 14k runners and $430k up top, with everyone at the final table getting $30k+. The sunday itself was going terrible, i was 0/14 for cashes until i ended up 1 tabling this for around 7 hours and $3700 to book a $2k winnning session. I ran like god all the way so can't complain really especially since i fired only 1 bullet, but i played close to my best so im pleased with that. I did have a perverse thought though when in the last 100. I felt in a way i didn't really want to win $428k as it would potentially drain my motivation to continue grinding cash which is probably an odd way of looking at things (obviously in hindsight $428k would be a beautiful thing). Maybe its because i've been grinding it out for a few years now and its all that i know, or maybe i have some deep root mental health issues.

Cash games are going ok up around $6k online with a mix of 6max and HU. My 6max game is improving a little as i get used to the pace of the games once again, although the odd hiccup along the way is a regular occurence. With HU i barely get any action on stars, FTP isn't so bad since PTR has stopped tracking for the past 6 months or so and ive only played there since vegas so i can get some action there which is nice.

I played some live cash in the Vic on Tuesday winning £850 for the session. Lost a £4k pot with KK VS AA where i flatter a 4bet called a 78J board Turn J went check check, before he potted the river allin. I probably should have folded since hes a decent tight reg but im a massive POW. I also won a £4k pot with AA vs 97dd allin on a K72dd 9h board. I still don't mind my play since the guy is likely peeling wide OTB when i isolate two weaker players, so feel he can have 86dd/89dd type hands. I also didn't have a blocker to the nut flush draw so opted to stick it in. Anyway river was a deuce counterfeited his two pair which was unlucky for him and he played the hand well. I also won a big hand vs the same guy earlier, peeling a 3bet with A4cc and c/r a 239cc board, turn Ko river 7c. He had KK apparently but i think its standard to c/r get it in here with 54% equity against all overpairs bar AA (i have a blocker anyway) also hes capable of getting it in with dominated draws.

Next week im playing the dtd £1k Monte Carlo event. Great place to play poker and not a bad night out for a few beers either!

JP